Page created by: Elissa Wendland

Willpower.
My mum Diane has suffered from Parkinson's disease for the past 17 years. A condition that started off with a slight tremor in her arm which, nowadays impedes significantly on her motor skills - specifically walking, balancing and everyday tasks we take for granted such as sitting upright in a chair, eating and driving.
But this article isn’t about Parkinson’s; and it definitely isn’t a cry for sympathy either. This article is an acknowledgment of the willpower and courage my mum has shown in the face of this excruciatingly terrible illness. Willpower, I hope at some point can benefit those going through a tough time or finding it hard to come to terms with life’s unexpected intricacies.
If we go back to the early 2000s I have a clear image of mum trying to wrestle my unruly hair into a ponytail before school. This was a subtle preview of what would soon rear its head as a diagnosis of “Parkinsons disease.”
Following her diagnosis I can also recall her asking me to join her on the couch, where she asked me if I wanted to come and see a movie with her. To this, my highly occupied 7-year-old self replied – “no I’m busy” (probably with something much more important, like counting my beanie kid collection or watching Rugrats). In her kind natured way she replied, “Sweetie, I’d like you to reconsider if you can because one day I might not be well enough to do these things with you.”
The rawness of this memory and the sentiment attached to it stimulated a view of my mum that I’ve always carried with me. An acknowledgment of her fragility meant always saying “I love you” at the end of a phone call as well as subsuming the role of a parent at times – “Can you call me when you get home so I know you got home safely?”
Being diagnosed with Parkinson’s made mum worry she would lose the second most important thing in her life, her job as a primary school teacher. Despite the sleepless nights and nausea inducing medication, every morning she got up, got ready and was at school willing to pretend everything was fine in an attempt to hide her illness.
Unfortunately this battle was sadly lost in 2010 (over 12 years later) and she was forced to resign, but despite extreme bouts of depression, teamed with the progression of the illness, every morning she was up at 6am to make my school lunches and give me a hug before my irritable teenage self, sleepily trudged out of the house.
I found myself motivated to write this article after a phone call from my dad talking about a holiday they recently went on (a complete rarity these days). “Your mum has more willpower than anyone I know and that’s how she’s got to where she is. Yes, the drugs do their bit but Elissa, she walked all over Sydney with me and not once did she complain. I don’t anyone like that. We were on the cruise and we’d walk through the dining hall and she would just freeze up in front of all of these people but that didn’t stop her.” This is indicative of the approach mum has with every challenging situation she’s presented with.
When we’re in the kitchen making a stir fry and mum throws a piece of raw chicken at me by accident or almost hits me over the head with a plate, or when she’s walking to her chair and involuntarily does what we term ‘the Freddie Flinstone run’ and laughs with us about how ridiculous she looks– that’s willpower.
No, it hasn’t been easy for her. The tears, arguments, countless hospital visits, the side effects of various medications and the loss of a career my mother lived for have all resulted from this.
But seeing a woman able to say yes I do have Parkinsons but it won’t stop me from living, a woman who’s brain goes against her everyday but still has the resilience to sing as she cooks dinner and laugh at people dancing on the TV – that’s will power.
My mum might not live longer than she would have without Parkinsons and the disease will inevitably get worse, but in my eyes time isn’t the most important factor here. Irrespective of time, she has demonstrated that the life we live matters in what we do now, and not how long we have to do it (because there’s no doubt we’d be waiting half a day if it involved making a chicken stir fry, sorry mum).
And maybe that’s what willpower is. Getting up to make those school lunches, and knowing that no matter how sinister the mind can make things – physically, mentally or emotionally – every day you have a choice - and when things are less than perfect, as they often are, you’ll find a way to get through them.