Page created by: Christine Monge

Tom was, to put it into the words of his friends, “One of the good guys.” Tom and I were married for 15 years. It was the second marriage for both of us. Tom worked at Ralphs grocery store for over thirty years, and 4 years after we were married, Tom hurt his back at work and had back surgery to remove a bulging disc. It was after this we began to notice to notice changes in his walking . We concluded he needed a spinal injection for the pain. At the same time, Tom, who was also bipolar, had to change psychiatrists. The new doctor changed his Lithium to Abilify. Tom had a serious reaction which set off Parkinson‘s symptoms and led to his diagnosis. The neurologist prescribed Mirapex and Sinemet. Tom, because he was bipolar, had life-threatening reactions to both drugs. In 2011, he underwent DBS surgery which enabled him to live comfortably without PD drugs for several years.

Tom’s disease progressed rapidly. He was force to retire from Ralphs so we made the most of the time before he was completely unable to travel or do the things he loved. Then in 2017, Tom suffered a hemorrhagic stroke. He spent 3 months in the hospital and nursing facility. He was told he would never walk again, but he was determined to walk out of the facility. And he did.

In the meantime I sold our two story house, packed up our belongings and moved us into a temporary apartment until we could find a house that was handicap friendly. Tom had caregivers on and off for the next 3 years. In September of 2019, we began with more permanent care because he could no longer dress himself and was wheelchair bound. I continued to work full time as a teacher, and care for him nights and weekends until it became too much for me.

I put Tom in a board and care for two months to renovate our bathroom so the caregivers could get him in and out of the shower and toilet easier. Tom came home right at the start of the pandemic and was put on hospice. He stayed on hospice until February of 2021, when he passed on Valentine’s Day. His last couple of months were difficult and he was in so much pain at the end. Although he passed peacefully, his last 12 days he lost 20 pounds, didn’t eat, was barely conscious, and on an insane amount of pain medications to try and keep him comfortable. Watching him turn into a skeleton and suffer so much was heartbreaking for everyone in his family.

Parkinson’s Disease robbed us of our “Golden Years” as empty nesters. It robbed Tom of his dignity and his ability to do the things he loved, like play golf, travel, and even “putter” around the house. It robbed me of my best friend and soulmate. He was young, only 65, when he passed. Life will never be same without him and he will be missed by everyone who loved him.